I've come across some pretty funny madlib interpretations of these words, figured I'd release the real ones into the digital wilderness to fend for themselves against their wacky doppelgangers.
Thanks for caring.
1. (bad history)
Thanks for caring.
1. (bad history)
2. Bad History Month
Cowboy can't tell that everything is swell, even though he fell of his horse.
The horse is healthy, of course, it's ready to ride, but Cowboy's way too preoccupied.
He saw a snake in the trail, it was chewing its own tail.
Cowboy sat down in the dirt.
Teardrops were staining his shirt.
They were mixing into mud with the dust, but he didn't really care, 'cause he trusts his horse to keep a secret.
It's a big one.
This is what he said:
"Listen up horse, this is how I feel, everything is really bad.
But I'm worse.
I can't help but feeling like the first human that ate a neanderthal.
I swung the club that crushed her skull and in the process damned us all,
and every baby ever born has borne the taint of my ancient sin,
but I was smiling while I chewed that dimwits skin.
It was all me.
I'm Bad History.
I burnt down Rome, and Chicago too.
I shook the earth and I blew the wind that made you hide.
I am the rising tide."
That was all he had to say, the horse responded,
"Neigh."
3. The Future
We live in a world where a lot of the toilets flush themselves.
It's for your safety.
And a lot of the doors, they open themselves for you.
And if you say it's 'cause "Hell is other people."
Then a lot of other people say, "Hell yeah man, that's true."
But it's The Future.
You can't be rude.
Your balls and your bowels are firing blanks and your pranks are all confused,
they don't know what the fuck they're supposed to do.
'Cause it's The Future,
you better not even consider being a dick.
I will flush you down a toilet with a laser and then rinse you in the sink,
faster than you think,
hijinks are extinct.
We live in a world where the toilets flush themselves, but here's good news for people who like to live dangerously:
You don't have to smoke cigarettes anymore to get throat cancer,
'cause apparently all you have to do is smoke some cock.
4. Everyday is Christmas
Every day is Christmas in Hell,
and Santa's real, and he brings every thing you ever wished for,
every day,
'til you don't want to play,
but you have to,
and that's when you realize that you're in Hell.
So try and relax.
You jump through flaming hoops hoping that you won't catch on fire.
I signed my name,
he gave me the brand,
now I'm leaking cold sweat shaking Satan's hot hand.
Meanwhile in Heaven,
the well rehearsed unison harps offer comforting salvation from Art.
They sing this song:
"Refrain from entertainment, ride your mind like a horse, don't drag it like a cart."
But don't you ever notice that it doesn't matter what your doing,
it's all Hell if you do it too long.
5. Couch Killed The Cowboy
Everyone says that the fence killed the cowboy, but actually it was that couch that did him in.
Imagine a lifetime of nights under stars, as the streetlight washes over your bed.
"I took my boots off so I could be comfy.
I walked around the house in socks and poured myself a soda pop,
and I listened to jazz and I organized my stuff.
'Cause who the fuck, aw who the fuck wants to live out their life in the desert?
Not me, Sir.
I'm not one of them, I won't live or die in some tribe,
with no privacy".
6. Bald History Month
I cut off my hair, it was easy, because I'm not scared of going bald.
Because the only things that are worth doing always take so long,
that before they're even done they start to seem completely worthless.
So I cut off my hair,
because the only reason not to be bald is that it's fun to get sheared.
I let the dead cells of dead selves fall away.
Imagine a pyramid with only the tip left undone,
you already know what it's gonna look like but you still have to lift all those tons.
I'm lost, but I'm not scared, I feel my fear moving away in rings through time for a million years.
I shed my dead self when he rears his ugly head but he keeps growing back.
7. Cat In A Box
I refuse to ride the bus, or ever hit the laundromat,
it's not that I'm too good for that, I'm just a scared and sheltered cat who's afraid of ending up in a shelter.
I'm staying alive, 'cause it's even more scary to die.
I'm in a cardboard box that's soggy wet but I still think it's keeping me dry.
But if you took me out, and let me roam beyond the back yard, I could make friends with everyone,
'cause it's not that fucking hard to be happy when you finally leave home.
I'd burn my box and hit the road,
and if the road hit back, it'd be ok, 'cause I'm finally alive enough to know,
that you never know what hits you.
And even though I miss, and I want to kiss you, I just blow all of my love into a tissue,
and I throw it away.
And later on I'll be playing in the road,
when that rubber hits my back and I feel my heart explode.
And that blood in my chest is suddenly worth more than sex and love and gold.
And I'll feel sad, knowing you'll be sad,
but that wheel keeps rolling.
And as it reaches my neck, I'll feel glad to be alive,
with my eyes wide open.
8. Blackholes Suck
Years add up and subtract us.
Dogs bark, cats whine, and people talk to pass the time.
Fish swim and birds fly and snakes only lie because they don't have legs.
Years add up, voices go to gravel, Judgement keeps banging its terrifying gavel.
Black holes suck, but I eat light too, I guess that means that we've got a bit in common.
How can we blame the years for passing?
That's just a way to ruin your day.
Hindsight is actually blindness, inertia is already decay.
Black holes suck, but I am a yawning gulf too, I guess it means that I shouldn't be so frightened.
Black holes suck, but I am a gaping maw too, it makes me hope it's true that nothing lasts forever.
'Cause I'm free, but what's freedom mean, to a man unwilling to risk his neck to save his own life?
I traded in my chainsaw for a butterknife.
There is an event on the horizon,
but first I'll try to fly myself straight through that hole in the sky,
just to see what happens.
9. It Is What It Isn't
I only know what I don't want to be.
I stick around 'cause I'm waiting to see what happens,
but nothing happens.
Time flies, all the times fly in flocks,
but I can't fly so I just sit and watch.
10. (bad future)
11. There Goes The Sun
I feel you calling me, but I stall.
I'm so afraid of trouble, it keeps my like small.
Love is blind, but so is rage, I'd give up an eye if I could act my age.
The sun beats a fast retreat and I feel cheated by a lifeless ball of gas that I so desperately needed to shine,
and keep me from feeling defeated.
I wanted the world to slow down, but instead it sped up so I seceded.
Now I'm standing still, just a petrified protest unheeded.
12. I Ate Myself and I Want To Die
I was born with a body that works and a mind that works to destroy it.
It's easy being alive, it's hard to enjoy it.
I would like to recycle myself like a snake does,
only I'd crawl inside, instead of out,
my mouth could dispose of all the evidence.
I'd make up for all I've wasted.
I'd place my bets against the past.
But first I'd say grace,
and it would go like this:
"Thank you for giving me hands, thanks you for giving me feet,
and teeth, to eat Me."
I'd ingest every pound of my flesh until I really was just an asshole.
Then I'd shit gold, and you could mold me like plaster,
into a six foot tall 200 pound gold dick found that ejaculates laughter.
And you could place me up on a hillside in a pasture,
and the cows would be blissfully ignorant of this whole disaster,
and we could all live happily ever after.
But I was born with a body that works and a mind that works to destroy it.
It's easy being alive, why's it have to be so fucking hard to enjoy it?
What the fuck?
Every day is Christmas in Hell,
and Santa's real, and he brings every thing you ever wished for,
every day,
'til you don't want to play,
but you have to,
and that's when you realize that you're in Hell.
So try and relax.
You jump through flaming hoops hoping that you won't catch on fire.
I signed my name,
he gave me the brand,
now I'm leaking cold sweat shaking Satan's hot hand.
Meanwhile in Heaven,
the well rehearsed unison harps offer comforting salvation from Art.
They sing this song:
"Refrain from entertainment, ride your mind like a horse, don't drag it like a cart."
But don't you ever notice that it doesn't matter what your doing,
it's all Hell if you do it too long.
5. Couch Killed The Cowboy
Everyone says that the fence killed the cowboy, but actually it was that couch that did him in.
Imagine a lifetime of nights under stars, as the streetlight washes over your bed.
"I took my boots off so I could be comfy.
I walked around the house in socks and poured myself a soda pop,
and I listened to jazz and I organized my stuff.
'Cause who the fuck, aw who the fuck wants to live out their life in the desert?
Not me, Sir.
I'm not one of them, I won't live or die in some tribe,
with no privacy".
6. Bald History Month
I cut off my hair, it was easy, because I'm not scared of going bald.
Because the only things that are worth doing always take so long,
that before they're even done they start to seem completely worthless.
So I cut off my hair,
because the only reason not to be bald is that it's fun to get sheared.
I let the dead cells of dead selves fall away.
Imagine a pyramid with only the tip left undone,
you already know what it's gonna look like but you still have to lift all those tons.
I'm lost, but I'm not scared, I feel my fear moving away in rings through time for a million years.
I shed my dead self when he rears his ugly head but he keeps growing back.
7. Cat In A Box
I refuse to ride the bus, or ever hit the laundromat,
it's not that I'm too good for that, I'm just a scared and sheltered cat who's afraid of ending up in a shelter.
I'm staying alive, 'cause it's even more scary to die.
I'm in a cardboard box that's soggy wet but I still think it's keeping me dry.
But if you took me out, and let me roam beyond the back yard, I could make friends with everyone,
'cause it's not that fucking hard to be happy when you finally leave home.
I'd burn my box and hit the road,
and if the road hit back, it'd be ok, 'cause I'm finally alive enough to know,
that you never know what hits you.
And even though I miss, and I want to kiss you, I just blow all of my love into a tissue,
and I throw it away.
And later on I'll be playing in the road,
when that rubber hits my back and I feel my heart explode.
And that blood in my chest is suddenly worth more than sex and love and gold.
And I'll feel sad, knowing you'll be sad,
but that wheel keeps rolling.
And as it reaches my neck, I'll feel glad to be alive,
with my eyes wide open.
8. Blackholes Suck
Years add up and subtract us.
Dogs bark, cats whine, and people talk to pass the time.
Fish swim and birds fly and snakes only lie because they don't have legs.
Years add up, voices go to gravel, Judgement keeps banging its terrifying gavel.
Black holes suck, but I eat light too, I guess that means that we've got a bit in common.
How can we blame the years for passing?
That's just a way to ruin your day.
Hindsight is actually blindness, inertia is already decay.
Black holes suck, but I am a yawning gulf too, I guess it means that I shouldn't be so frightened.
Black holes suck, but I am a gaping maw too, it makes me hope it's true that nothing lasts forever.
'Cause I'm free, but what's freedom mean, to a man unwilling to risk his neck to save his own life?
I traded in my chainsaw for a butterknife.
There is an event on the horizon,
but first I'll try to fly myself straight through that hole in the sky,
just to see what happens.
9. It Is What It Isn't
I only know what I don't want to be.
I stick around 'cause I'm waiting to see what happens,
but nothing happens.
Time flies, all the times fly in flocks,
but I can't fly so I just sit and watch.
10. (bad future)
11. There Goes The Sun
I feel you calling me, but I stall.
I'm so afraid of trouble, it keeps my like small.
Love is blind, but so is rage, I'd give up an eye if I could act my age.
The sun beats a fast retreat and I feel cheated by a lifeless ball of gas that I so desperately needed to shine,
and keep me from feeling defeated.
I wanted the world to slow down, but instead it sped up so I seceded.
Now I'm standing still, just a petrified protest unheeded.
12. I Ate Myself and I Want To Die
I was born with a body that works and a mind that works to destroy it.
It's easy being alive, it's hard to enjoy it.
I would like to recycle myself like a snake does,
only I'd crawl inside, instead of out,
my mouth could dispose of all the evidence.
I'd make up for all I've wasted.
I'd place my bets against the past.
But first I'd say grace,
and it would go like this:
"Thank you for giving me hands, thanks you for giving me feet,
and teeth, to eat Me."
I'd ingest every pound of my flesh until I really was just an asshole.
Then I'd shit gold, and you could mold me like plaster,
into a six foot tall 200 pound gold dick found that ejaculates laughter.
And you could place me up on a hillside in a pasture,
and the cows would be blissfully ignorant of this whole disaster,
and we could all live happily ever after.
But I was born with a body that works and a mind that works to destroy it.
It's easy being alive, why's it have to be so fucking hard to enjoy it?
What the fuck?
